Grief Isn’t Linear: Reflections on Loss, Healing, and Suicide Survivorship
Grief has no script. It doesn’t follow linear stages. It doesn’t arrive neatly packaged. And it rarely looks like what we expected or what we are told to expect.
As a therapist, I sit with people moving through all forms of grief: the death of a loved one, the loss of health, traumatic experiences, estranged relationships, the loss of roles or identity, even the quiet grief of things never spoken. But there’s a particular weight and complexity that comes with surviving a suicide loss.
It is a grief shaped by shock, by whispers, by stigma, and by questions that may never have answers.
The Layers of Suicide Loss
Losing someone to suicide often brings a different kind of pain. It’s not just the absence of them in living human form. It’s the wondering. The guilt. The isolation. The confusion
“Why did this happen?”
“Did I miss something?”
“Could I have done more?”
“How do I talk about this when others don’t know what to say?”
“Why do I feel angry and heartbroken at the same time?”
There may be shame or silence around the circumstances of death. There may be tension in families. There may be frustration about how others respond. Some people disappear. Others overstep. And for many survivors, grief becomes something they feel like they’re carrying alone.
You are not alone. Your grief is valid. It may be loud or quiet, raw or delayed. It’s tender and complicated.
Grief Lives in the Body
Grief is not just emotional, it’s physiological.
It can show up as fatigue, brain fog, anxiety, digestive changes, or chronic tension. Our bodies hold the truth of what we’ve lost. Especially in a world that expects us to "move on."
For suicide loss survivors, this can be intensified by trauma, by the suddenness or violence of the loss, or by how alone we may feel in it.
This is why grief work must also be body work. Or what I, as a therapist, call somatic.
What Helps (and What Doesn’t)
Everyone has a different experience as a survivor. Grief shows up for each of us in different ways. We all navigate loss in our own uniquely. There is no single roadmap, but I have witnessed some patterns in grief work, personally and professionally:
What helps:
Naming the loss. Without shame, without secretiveness
Rituals that honor memory and allow us to release or metabolize our emotions
Rest. The deep kind that makes space for your nervous system to exhale
Connection with others who have walked through similar losses
Gentle movement that keeps you in touch with your body and breath
Permission to feel without fixing
What doesn’t:
Rushing the process
Pretending to be okay
Well-meaning advice that bypasses pain
Isolation
“Should” statements (I should be over this. I should be grateful. I should be stronger.)
If You Are Grieving…
You don’t have to earn your right to grieve. You don’t have to wrap it in explanation. You don’t have to do it alone.
Whether your grief is fresh or decades old—whether you’re surviving the loss of a friend, sibling, child, partner, parent or other loved one—your story matters. Your grief matters. You matter.
If no one has said this to you yet: I’m so sorry for your loss. You are not alone. And you are allowed to still be here, healing in your own time and in your own way.
Rooted Soul Offers:
Grief therapy that honors cultural and somatic wisdom
1:1 support for those navigating suicide loss
Workshops for campuses and organizations on trauma-informed grief care
If you're carrying grief, or walking with someone who is, I’m here.
info@rootedsoul.com
www.rootedsoul.com
